I am not

 

I am the word
 I am the song
 I am the brushstroke
I am lost
and found
I am all
and all nothing
I am hope
I’m despair
 I am living
among the dead
I am dying
so I can awake
I am defined by limitations
which infer infinite possibility
I am desire
I am addiction
I am intention
I am alone
with all of you
I am a rain drop
in a torrent
I am bewildered
I’m more sure
I am the cecedas
I am Bach
I am the moth
I am the flame
Ultimately
what  I am not
is what I am
 NY 9.6.2014

 

 

cracks

I don’t know if you
noticed
but I think there
is a crack
in my heart
I’ve tried so hard to
keep it
together
to not cave in
or let my guard
down
fear, forever my
counselor
whispering in my
ear
to keep up
the barricades
just so I would
not feel
the pain
– my own,
or yours

I don’t know if you have
noticed
but I think there are
increasingly
cracks in the walls around
my heart
I’ve tried real hard to
keep it
together
keep the doors locked
the gates down
fear
forever my
counselor
whispering in my
ear
to keep the walls
fierce and
proud
just so
I would not
see
the pain
– my own,
yours

I don’t know if you
noticed
but I think the walls
have started to  tilt
I’ve tried terribly hard to
keep it
together
my sense of self
fear
forever my
counselor
whispering in my
ear
to hold on
just a little longer
to not surrender
ever
so I
would not have to
so I will not
feel
immersed
in an instant
eternal
connection
with you
with all that is

so I would not
come home to
infinite
love
for you, for self
for all that is

 

NY 8.16.2014

 

Sound Archives – Riding the Waves

An 11 minute work commissioned and premiered by the Netherlands Wind Ensemble in October 1996. Part of their Stravinsky cycle that year which paired several of his works with (new) works by a guest composer – the other two programs featuring works by David Lang (US) and Wolfgang Rihm (Ger) – this work features a wind ensemble expanded with 3 double basses and 3 percussionists and the composer on saxophone, conducted by the late Richard Dufallo. The concerts at the Doelen (Rotterdam) and Paradiso (Amsterdam) were recorded and broadcast by the Dutch radio station VPRO. On the same program was an arrangement of the composer’s Deep Water, Rejoice (1992) for the Netherlands Wind Ensemble.

(c) 2014 Marcel van Rootselaar. All rights reserved.